Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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