so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm too high and old for this...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
