Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
