Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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