My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
