i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
