I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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