There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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