i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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