Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
