Three words: puerto rican gang bang
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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