Just fell off a train. Bad.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
