if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
