the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
