Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
