You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
