I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
