im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
