I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
