did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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