There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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