a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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