Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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