Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think my moral compass just broke
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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