I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
