we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
