I wanna passion pit in your ass
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
