He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
