So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
