I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
