her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
