Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
