I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
