I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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