when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
