You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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