it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
