i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
did i just pee glitter
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
