So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
