I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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