I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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