Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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