There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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