your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
