the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
