you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
