why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
