Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
