Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
