I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
