Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
